"Comparison is my biggest issue with Social Media. We are all complex beings with lots of issues. The fact that someone went on a fantastic vacation, dresses in the newest fashions, drives the best cars, and hangs out with the most interesting people does not make them any better than you. We all have our great moments, and many of those are quickly followed by new lows. I think the low points in my life make me better able to appreciate and share the great moments when they come the next time."
Now the rest of the story.
I attempt to post the ups and downs in our family like kids sleeping when they should be getting ready for school, a totally out of shape me falling asleep while my toddler "reads" his own bedtime story. Most of what you see makes us look like perfectly rounded people with a flawless marriage, family, and future. You don't get the full picture of life in our madhouse. I think it is time to remind you that you are still only getting the highlights, not the play by play, and sometimes those in between scenes are downright ugly. Don't think our life is any more perfect than yours, because it may not be. Here are some examples:
I post our children's personal records in sports. I am very proud of their drive and motivation in this area. I don't post the misses that happen before and after the ones I post, nor do I post the other misses they are struggling with.
I post some of the accomplishments our kids have obtained, like getting into some great colleges, but don't post the mid quarter grades from some of our other kids that make me want to drop them from everything fun they do and chain them to the homework books. They are awesome kids, but they are all a work in progress, like anyone else.
I post an occasional "Sold" sign and awards I just started winning. I am a few years into this new career and am finally starting to see the benefits. You don't completely fill a hole with a few shovels of new dirt. It takes time. I am grateful for each and every ounce of fresh fill and pray that it continues.
I post fun photos of Alana and I, but don't go into detail about the real struggles we face as heads of a large and dynamic family. Don't assume the smile on our faces in the awards photo means we have a perfect marriage or have written the book on perfect parenting. Five minutes behind the scenes may ruin that perception for you. We are stubbornly committed to making this work, but it is not always easy.
I post fun photos that Spencer sends home from his mission, but don't go into detail about how a set of missionaries in his area was robbed last week, or the occasional digital lectures we send him - and constant prayers on his behalf.
I post fun videos of me goofing off in the car, but not the three takes I did before I uploaded the one that worked.
I post cute photos of darling little children, but don't share how frustrating it is when they are disobedient, or downright mean to each other.
I post awesome skills and talents that Alana and I have developed and try to teach our kids like home improvement, cake decorating, hair styling, floral design, and car and appliance repair. What I don't mention is that many of these skills have been developed out of necessity, as the budget dictates that with 8 kids, we do things for ourselves that most people in our area hire out. Along the way there are many failings that never see a camera, much less social media. Most of this has been a benefit to us, and I wouldn't change it, but don't think it is always voluntary.
I post photos and details of fun camping trips and road trips. I don't go into detail about how this is what fits the budget, rather than trips to far off exotic places. We have done those and hope to do so again someday. That said, San Luis Obispo has always been on our favorite destination list, and probably always will be. You can't beat family camping trips that feature Santa Maria style tri-tip sandwiches, sticking gum on a wall, cruising the halls where Alana and I courted and skipping rocks in the stream all for $35 a night and a few gallons of gas.
I have been getting some great comments from people who seem to enjoy our posts. It is almost like a reality show with no commercials. I'm OK with that. I will keep posting as long as you keep reading. It is the internet's fault for giving me an audience. I know you mean well, but the comments saying how perfect we are have made me feel guilty for not sharing more of the less than perfect truth.
I want you to remember that social media is not face value. Don't compare the biggest failures of your kids with the biggest successes of mine. Don't compare the biggest faults of your husband with the few and fleeting good traits of Alana's husband.
Then what do you do with things you see on social media? You take the good that you see, and see if it has a place in your life. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. Look for the good in what you have and do what you can to nurture it. See a fun activity that could make your life more meaningful? Put down your phone and give it a shot! Don't let yourself get down if you fail the first time. If you see someone doing something that you think is a good idea, contact them and find out why they do it and how they were able to find success. If nothing else, you may become a step closer to building a real friendship where only a Facebook friendship existed.
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